Monday, December 13, 2010

I will be strong.

I will be strong.
Though each day I am faced with the fact that you will be leaving soon.
I will be steady.
Even though times would call for me to break down and fall apart.
I will be proud.
Because you are doing this for us and our future.

I will guard your back while you are here,
Then when you leave I will hold down the fort till your return.
I will be loyal and loving,
Yet fierce and hard.
I will be the one you need me to be.
Because I love a soldier.

The army may have you now,
But I will always have your heart.

Written by S.N.Smith (12/13/10)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I am an Army Spouse

I am an Army Spouse. I am proud to be one.
I stand behind my soldier and I do what needs to be done. He needs me to stay home and take care of things while he is gone, so I do it. He needs someone who will keep everything in order for him and play the part of husband and wife. I have to be calm. I have to be steady. I have to be strong...for him. I cannot be weak and childish. I cannot play into others games. I must be mature when no one else around me is. I must be solid.

I take care of him because it is my choice. I stand silently at his side while he is home and guard the home-front while he is gone. I will have moments where I question things when times get rough but I will always know my duty as an army spouse. It is my duty to take care of things at home, it is my duty to keep life going as if he was still here. It is my duty to be stronger than most, because most couldn't do this job. I stand among the women who walk with heroes and I will never falter.

I am strong.

I am an army spouse.

written by S.N.Smith (12/09/10)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

2010 Fashion -Military

In my Opinion...People should really shut up about the ACU purses thing. I have not once seen a purse hurt someone. Nor I have seen people be hurt for looking upon someone who had a specific kind of purse.

So why is it such a big deal about Army Wives(or prior service women)to have one of these ACU purses?

Because people have nothing better to do with their time than to harp on a style. Yes, I know this is what the action is because at one time it was my job to harp on the latest styles and what was not in style. Guess what the sad thing is ladies, Military is in style for the year 2010. So harp on it being unattractive and ugly all you want but for the next month you still have to bear with it being the current fashion.

If you do not like this current trend, I would suggest you bury yourself in a hole for another month or just hold your tongue and ignore it. Cause no matter what you say, people are not going to put their lives on hold and what they like...just to make your day all sunshine and daisies.


Friday, November 5, 2010


Before I hear that there is no military spouse handbook with guidlines for conduct I would like to clarify something...

~drum roll~


I love having people argue with me even when I link them to two separate versions of it. The one I got from the officers wife on the scribe page for US ARMY conduct and spousal conduct and "The Army Wife Handbook." Yes ladies...there are books that tell you how to behave and how not to behave and how your behavior affects your husbands career. SO while you shouldn't post pictures of you in your bikini on a public page for the world to see while your husband is down shouldn't insult the woman who does it either. I am only posting a blog on this because frankly I spent the morning being told I thought I was god cause I was quoting stuff out of the conduct guidelines (and i might add I was doing so without the use of curse words or malicious behavior). Now if I didn't have the education I have and the will power to prove people wrong all the time, I would have gotten nowhere with these posts of mine. BUT....frankly, I do know what I am talking about on some things...and I was raised to know how to behave around soldiers and NCO's. It's been programmed into my brain how to be the perfect model army wife. DO I ALWAYS FOLLOW THESE GUIDELINES? Of course not, I am human...I do things without thinking them through. But when I am wrong ...I admit it...unlike these ladies here

So yes, I did not cuss at anyone I merely stated facts and I got to experience the ignorance first hand. There is a conduct on behavior and it's not just how you should dress though Nicole was being a smart ass she got it right. The way you behave and dress can be reflected on your husband, and if he ever wants to go "Green to Gold" it does matter. They pay more attention to us than you think...why do you think how your house looks means so much? Why do you think they have regulations for what we can and can't do on post? Am I the only one who thinks they have these for a reason and actually try to find out why? Jeez...


&& PS...those links are... &&

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Drama Rage #1

Okay, I have read a lot in the past day about Army "girlfriends", fiances, and wives. It has frankly gotten on my nerves that people think that my "piece of paper" makes me nothing. My marriage license (piece of paper) makes me a soldiers wife, it makes me his partner. I am able to be on his orders, I am able to move where he wants me to move (on post or off). I am two people I am Mr. Smith & Mrs. Smith when the time comes down for deployment. I am an Army Wife... a WIFE. That piece of paper is what stands between you and your ID card, your house, your before you go and tell me that I am nothing, check your facts. You obviously don't know the army as well as you thought if you refuse to acknowledge, that while we are equal as women, our titles are not equal.

And as for the divorce comment. "Have you never heard of divorce?" Well little Miss Army Girlfriend "have you ever heard of a break up?" It is a little harder to get a divorce than it would be for him to call you up and say..." Sorry met someone new. It's over." There are KEY differences that set us apart.

To our soldiers, we are the same in their hearts. But to the Army, without the marriage aren't anything but the gf/fiance that he left at home. They won't give you anything if something happens to him, you won't get his flag. There is a HUGE difference between us. The title does mean something whether you want to acknowledge it or not. But make no mistake just cause you don't acknowledge it doesn't mean it's going to go away or stop being true.

We are all loved by a soldier...
Regardless of who we are...
So why are we at each others throats? Can you not respect the wives for what they do? Cause you forget while you insult them now...

Don't you plan on being there one day?


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I ask myself "Why" Pt 1

So how about I got a phone call at 0502 this morning from my friend who was mad that I messaged his gf who I have been arguing with not because I was rude to her but because I told her that we needed to talk. Well, she made the mistake of asking him if he knew why I wanted to talk to her. This infuriated him for some reason, so instead of being reasonable and nice...he calls me and starts getting ill with me. He even went so far as to say a few really hurtful things, which I will not be listing because I have more respect for him than that. But it did open my eyes to my life and how I live it.

I know I complain a lot but I do not think I am worse off than anyone else. I know I am a bitch, but I had one friend that I thought I could turn to and tell the things that bothered me. He was the one person besides Chris that actually knew the real me. He actually knew the truth that no one ever knows about me unless they absolutely have to and even then they don't know as much as he does. Well, I guess I made him a little bit madder than I normally do cause I wouldn't blog about this if it was a one time happening thing. No this "friend" does this quite frequently now and it seems I am the only one he does it too.

Why am I everyone's personal doormat? Why do I have to help them and be the one they unload everything too but I don't mean enough for them to worry about me? It all started because the other day I went to the river and fell down a flight of concrete stairs. I banged myself up pretty freaking bad. I mean my back is all screwed up, my hips are pretty much useless and my right leg is worthless (it's still there but putting pressure on it and walking around is pretty much a mute point now).

Well, he knew I got injured the other day and doesn't talk to me for days, he doesn't respond to my emails or anything. But I know he was online cause I saw his conversing between him and his new girlfriend. Well, the first thing I hear from him is not..."Are you alright?" but "Why did you email her? What is your reason behind it?" My reasoning you pompous ass was to solve an issue that needed to be solved so two people didn't hate each other for no reason. But you wouldn't care cause you don't want the two women you love to be friends (this is my opinion), so this is probably why he had to make me feel like shit this morning. I mean cause really? 0500 many people are still sleeping if their husbands are gone. Well not me, I am again being everyone's bitch.

Smith, you have no clue how much I miss you. If I had you here I wouldn't need to talk to a friend about what is going on. I would have my best friend to comfort me, the one who knows everything about me. The one who loved me in my darkest hours, and carried me into the light. Smith, I need you my dear. And I cannot wait until I can wrap my arms around your neck and kiss you. Cause one kiss from you would make all this pain go away.

A, sorry but you hurt me badly this time. You cut me deeper than you ever have before and I don't know if I can stay in a emotionally fucked friendship. Oh and how about I fixed the problem unlike you thought I would seems she thought I hated her. Wonder where she got that thought...


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Army Wives Season 2 and rants from the Bitter depths of my kidneys...

So how about I bought the 2nd season of Army Wives yesterday.I have made it to episode 2 already and I love it. I love watching Joan stuff a pillow in her shirt to see how she would look pregnant in uniform(her little salute bit made me fall of the bed laughing). It made me smile. She is my favorite. She is living the life I wanted to live. Maybe not the pregnant part, but the being the one in the army (I personally think Smith should be Roland). I love her witt. My fave quote of hers is in the 2nd season, 2nd episode when she is talking to Roland about her pregnancy, her words were "My body's being invaded...I'm no longer a person...I'm a host." (I ROFL'd @ this)

I know a lot of army wives think that this show is nothing like our lives, and many ways it is not. I mean how often are we going to go to a bar and have a soldier walk in loaded down with explosives but a LOT of the stuff in the show is what we go through. The characters emotions and worrying is what real army wives go through daily. The affairs do happen (whether we believe it or not), the drama is can see that in many situations. I know my life does not resemble the show at all...but it does help to watch is so interesting that it keeps me occupied for HOURS which right now is what I need the most.

I cannot believe they killed Amanda off. I am not going to lie...I cried for an hour on that one. It disappointed me that they killed off her character, they didn't need to nor did they have to for ratings. I will not lie, I hate being a critic in my blog but sadly enough it is *checks clock* 0320 and I am still awake knowing I have to go to the commisary in a little while. I have not heard from Smith and frankly this only getting a few minutes to talk to him is outrageous. So here I am...watching the 2nd season because the damn producers decided to end the 1st season in a damn plot twist (which by the way drives me insane) and typing away my thoughts on the matter.

For the record I am a die-hard Pamela-fanatic...ha ha...(& don't forget my weird obsession with Joan Burton :D)

Well, didn't hear from Smith much today. I hate these few minute phone calls, I hate not being able to hold him. I hate not being able to hear his heartbeat. And before I get a lot of hate from people over this like I have in the past let me say this. No I am not going through a deployment but I have not been able to sleep in my husband's arms since the start of this year and he has been stateside all along. Out of the 260 days I have been married I have seen my husband 23 of those...and only 21 of those were spent where I could sleep in his arms. So damn me now for complaining and being sad but I believe that the pain is the same for all of us. The pain doesn't get greater or lessen just because you are on your first or hell third deployment. I don't care if it is the first deployment, or just training...either way, the pain of not sleeping at night without his touch, his warmth, his voice to calm your going to be the same no matter who you are. It gets easier to deal with over time but the pain is still the same. (If I am too opinionated for you I apologize.) I will get off this subject before I make this blog a mile long...this is a rant for another day.

So how about my friend David just enlisted? It seems everyone from my past is going the military and living the life I wanted... Smith said if it is what I really want, if it would make me happy to get my wings then I can do it...but now I am more than just the woman who wanted to fly Apaches. I am more than the kid who dreamed of leaving high school and going to BCT. I am Mrs. Smith, I am a wife...and I have obligations now, not just to myself...but to him. I have to make my own sacrifices for his sake. I will wait and when his contract is up...if I still feel up to it...then I will consider the options. But as of now, I am Mrs. Smith, the MP's wife.

We are the strong women who stand behind the strength of America.
We are the wives of soldiers, of heroes...
We are strong.


Monday, July 26, 2010

Random things from the Hubby...That made me laugh...

Smith-" I am not scared of spiders, but I swear if I get over there and see one of those things (camel spiders) I'm going to shoot it...and if their is more than one I will throw a frag...It's not right...they aren't supposed to get that big."
Me-"ewwwww...gross, please don't get bit."

Smith-" Hard to explain...I miss you like the biggest Loser misses cake."

"Hey...Sarah, think about this... I D 10 think about it real hard"
"I don't get it"-me
Smith-"Think Military Sarah"
"ID10...wait a minute... I'M NOT AN IDIOT!"-me

"I can't wait till you get up here."-Smith
" either baby, I miss you too."-me
"Oh, well I miss you too baby...but I was talking about I'm ready to not have to do laundry I miss your cooking already."-Smith
"Wow babe. Aren't you a sweetie."-me

"Yeah, me and the guys have this reigning joke that you and the other wives carry our balls in your purses."-Smith.


"Did u no that u are like a melody in my head"- Smith

"Yeah, you're innocent a college girl at Mardi Gras."-Smith

"You know what size boot I wear? Well...imagine it...up your ass."- Smith

"I'm going to kick you in the throat if you call yourself fat one more time."-Smith
"I'M...F-A-T."- me
"That's it you are so getting it."-Smith
"Bring it buddy."- me
"Oh it's coming. You wait...first thing once you get off that plane...It's on."-Smith

"Every time I would sit up with the gun (50 cal) I would feel my pants vibrate and instinctively reach for my phone thinking "Oh my god, It might be Sarah." Then I would realize I don't have my phone and get really pissed.-Smith

"Sitting down for graduation and staying perfectly still made me say one thing to my friend. Without moving my lips I said, "Do you feel like exhibit A right now? Welcome to the Freak Show."-Smith